Where to start when you haven’t had sex in months – or even years

Sexual intimacy just doesn’t seem to happen anymore.

Perhaps it’s been a month?

A few months?

Or maybe even a couple of years?

It’s more common than most of us realise.

We tend to think everyone else has a great relationship and sex life. We can think that there’s something wrong with us because we’re the only ones not doing it – or arguing about it.

But, you’re not alone.

Listen to the Podcast – How and where to start when you haven’t had sex in months or years

Sometimes sex stops suddenly. There’s an event, a turning point of some kind and that’s it.

Other couples notice a slow decline, until they can perhaps count on one hand the number of times it’s happened this year.

And there is counting. Because it’s always in the back of your mind – even though you try not to think about it.

Sometimes you think it’s when you had kids, but while that certainly didn’t help things, you probably noticed a decline before then.

Maybe you wish you could just understand why it happened. Hoping that will solve things.

The truth is, there are many reasons why sex stops – and it’s often a complex mix of things.

What’s really important to know is it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Perhaps you’ve been wishing this will just ‘fix’ itself, or wished that you could just get on with your relationship without sex.

Maybe you build yourself up, telling yourself ‘I know I need to do something about this – tonight’s the night.’ But then you forget or feel too nervous or just don’t feel in the mood anymore.

The longer you go without it, the more awkward and uncomfortable it can feel.

You remember a time when you loved making love, when you felt passionate urgency between you. But that feels so far away now.

You wish you could just want to ‘want to’ again.

But you don’t know how or where to start. And it seems like all the sex advice in the world can’t get you over that first hurdle.

Well my love, this is for you.

I’m sharing the first steps for reigniting desire and being intimate with a partner again.

There’s something I want to say about desire first though, because changing the way we understand desire can make a huge difference to your journey.

We tend to have an expectation that desire is spontaneous – that it will just arise spontaneously. And that’s our cue to then be intimate with a partner. We can think that ‘feeling in the mood’ is a pre-requisite for starting intimacy.

Science is now understanding that our sexual desire is actually responsive. That is, it arises in response to stimuli.

What this means is that we need to cultivate the conditions in which desire can respond. And for women, this begins long before we enter the bedroom. So that’s where we start. We want to build the house of our desire on a strong foundation.

Here’s how you can begin rebuilding your sexual intimacy…

1. Decide that sexual intimacy is important to you

You’re going to make change on this fastest if you feel like this is important to you.

Research shows us that there are two key things that keep passion in a relationship. The first is staying god friends, the other is making sex a priority.

While sex might not seem important to you at the moment, if it’s important to your partner, it’s important to you relationship.

And the truth is, sex really can bring you closer because of the beautiful cocktail of hormones and endorphins that sex helps you release. One of the key hormones released during sex is oxytocin, which helps you feel bonded and connected to each other.

So decide that having a loving, fulfilling sex life is important to you and your relationship. This mindset will help you stay motivated and taking action.

2. Share appreciation with your partner

When we’re not having sex, our partner can end up feeling unloved and undesired – contributing to increased tension.

When there’s tension in a relationship, we can find ourselves focusing on the things that annoy us about our partner and the relationship.

And that doesn’t lead to us feeling sexy. 

Sharing appreciation with our partner can help them to feel loved, appreciated and wanted. It can help your partner understand that your lack of desire isn’t a lack of love for them and contribute to more harmony and ease between you.

When you focus on the things you appreciate about your partner, you’ll feel more open and loving towards them.

Make a point of sharing something that you appreciate about your partner with them each day to build the love, connection and closeness between you.

3. Spend quality time together

If you’ve stopped having sex, it’s likely you feel disconnected to your partner on a couple of levels.

Perhaps you just don’t spend as much time together (or any) as you used to. With so much going on in your lives, you can feel like two ships passing in the night.

You might feel like you’re missing the emotional intimacy that helps you feel close to your partner. Maybe you only connect on practical issues now, not as lovers like you used to. 

Becoming close to your partner again requires that you spend time together. It’s important to make it a priority. This connection can then flow into the bedroom.

Small amounts of quality time together can make a world of difference to your connection.

Try starting with just 10 minutes a day where you sit down uninterrupted and just talk about how your day was.

You can also find more ideas for connection in my ebook: 10 Powerful Ways to Connect with your Partner.

4. Start with non-sexual physical touch

When you’ve stopped having sex, you may have found that physical touch gets avoided completely.

Maybe you pull away from affection because you don’t want to give your partner the ‘wrong idea’.

Perhaps you’ve stopped kissing passionately too.

We want to get that back. And we do it one small step at a time.

Physical affection helps build oxytocin, that hormone that helps you feel bonded and connected to each other. Oxytocin is also an important contributor to women’s lubrication and arousal.

Begin bringing non-sexual touch back into your relationship to build closeness and desire.

Don’t put pressure on yourself for it to ‘lead anywhere’. It may help for you to have a conversation with a partner about it.

You might say something like:

‘I really miss being physically intimate with you, but I need us to take this one step at a time. I’d like to hug you more, but I’m not ready for it to lead to sex at this stage. Is that okay with you?’

Try some of the following suggestions to rebuild physical connection:

  • When you next kiss goodbye, kiss on the lips… and linger a little longer than usual.
  • Hug your partner for no reason at all.
  • Snuggle up to your partner while you’re watching TV together.
  • Offer your partner a massage.
  • Invite them to the shower or bath with you.

5. Reestablishing your connection will be easier with support

Starting again when your sex life has been in decline isn’t easy, but it is possible.

Often, taking the first step is the hardest.

I want you to know you don’t need to do it alone.

Sexual intimacy just doesn’t seem to happen anymore.

Perhaps it’s been a month?

A few months?

Or maybe even a couple of years?

It’s more common than most of us realise.

We tend to think everyone else has a great relationship and sex life. We can think that there’s something wrong with us because we’re the only ones not doing it – or arguing about it.

But, you’re not alone.

Listen to the Podcast – How and where to start when you haven’t had sex in months or years

Sometimes sex stops suddenly. There’s an event, a turning point of some kind and that’s it.

Other couples notice a slow decline, until they can perhaps count on one hand the number of times it’s happened this year.

And there is counting. Because it’s always in the back of your mind – even though you try not to think about it.

Sometimes you think it’s when you had kids, but while that certainly didn’t help things, you probably noticed a decline before then.

Maybe you wish you could just understand why it happened. Hoping that will solve things.

The truth is, there are many reasons why sex stops – and it’s often a complex mix of things.

What’s really important to know is it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Perhaps you’ve been wishing this will just ‘fix’ itself, or wished that you could just get on with your relationship without sex.

Maybe you build yourself up, telling yourself ‘I know I need to do something about this – tonight’s the night.’ But then you forget or feel too nervous or just don’t feel in the mood anymore.

The longer you go without it, the more awkward and uncomfortable it can feel.

You remember a time when you loved making love, when you felt passionate urgency between you. But that feels so far away now.

You wish you could just want to ‘want to’ again.

But you don’t know how or where to start. And it seems like all the sex advice in the world can’t get you over that first hurdle.

Well my love, this is for you.

I’m sharing the first steps for reigniting desire and being intimate with a partner again.

There’s something I want to say about desire first though, because changing the way we understand desire can make a huge difference to your journey.

We tend to have an expectation that desire is spontaneous – that it will just arise spontaneously. And that’s our cue to then be intimate with a partner. We can think that ‘feeling in the mood’ is a pre-requisite for starting intimacy.

Science is now understanding that our sexual desire is actually responsive. That is, it arises in response to stimuli.

What this means is that we need to cultivate the conditions in which desire can respond. And for women, this begins long before we enter the bedroom. So that’s where we start. We want to build the house of our desire on a strong foundation.

Here’s how you can begin rebuilding your sexual intimacy…

1. Decide that sexual intimacy is important to you

You’re going to make change on this fastest if you feel like this is important to you.

Research shows us that there are two key things that keep passion in a relationship. The first is staying god friends, the other is making sex a priority.

While sex might not seem important to you at the moment, if it’s important to your partner, it’s important to you relationship.

And the truth is, sex really can bring you closer because of the beautiful cocktail of hormones and endorphins that sex helps you release. One of the key hormones released during sex is oxytocin, which helps you feel bonded and connected to each other.

So decide that having a loving, fulfilling sex life is important to you and your relationship. This mindset will help you stay motivated and taking action.

2. Share appreciation with your partner

When we’re not having sex, our partner can end up feeling unloved and undesired – contributing to increased tension.

When there’s tension in a relationship, we can find ourselves focusing on the things that annoy us about our partner and the relationship.

And that doesn’t lead to us feeling sexy. 

Sharing appreciation with our partner can help them to feel loved, appreciated and wanted. It can help your partner understand that your lack of desire isn’t a lack of love for them and contribute to more harmony and ease between you.

When you focus on the things you appreciate about your partner, you’ll feel more open and loving towards them.

Make a point of sharing something that you appreciate about your partner with them each day to build the love, connection and closeness between you.

3. Spend quality time together

If you’ve stopped having sex, it’s likely you feel disconnected to your partner on a couple of levels.

Perhaps you just don’t spend as much time together (or any) as you used to. With so much going on in your lives, you can feel like two ships passing in the night.

You might feel like you’re missing the emotional intimacy that helps you feel close to your partner. Maybe you only connect on practical issues now, not as lovers like you used to. 

Becoming close to your partner again requires that you spend time together. It’s important to make it a priority. This connection can then flow into the bedroom.

Small amounts of quality time together can make a world of difference to your connection.

Try starting with just 10 minutes a day where you sit down uninterrupted and just talk about how your day was.

You can also find more ideas for connection in my ebook: 10 Powerful Ways to Connect with your Partner.

4. Start with non-sexual physical touch

When you’ve stopped having sex, you may have found that physical touch gets avoided completely.

Maybe you pull away from affection because you don’t want to give your partner the ‘wrong idea’.

Perhaps you’ve stopped kissing passionately too.

We want to get that back. And we do it one small step at a time.

Physical affection helps build oxytocin, that hormone that helps you feel bonded and connected to each other. Oxytocin is also an important contributor to women’s lubrication and arousal.

Begin bringing non-sexual touch back into your relationship to build closeness and desire.

Don’t put pressure on yourself for it to ‘lead anywhere’. It may help for you to have a conversation with a partner about it.

You might say something like:

‘I really miss being physically intimate with you, but I need us to take this one step at a time. I’d like to hug you more, but I’m not ready for it to lead to sex at this stage. Is that okay with you?’

Try some of the following suggestions to rebuild physical connection:

  • When you next kiss goodbye, kiss on the lips… and linger a little longer than usual.
  • Hug your partner for no reason at all.
  • Snuggle up to your partner while you’re watching TV together.
  • Offer your partner a massage.
  • Invite them to the shower or bath with you.

5. Reestablishing your connection will be easier with support

Starting again when your sex life has been in decline isn’t easy, but it is possible.

Often, taking the first step is the hardest.

I want you to know you don’t need to do it alone.

2018-09-20T06:05:13+00:00 20 Comments

20 Comments

  1. Jayne December 11, 2017 at 8:18 pm - Reply

    Great article. I think that intimacy in relationships tends to ebb and flow, and this article would be really helpful for all couples, not just ones who have lost touch.

    • admin December 21, 2017 at 8:08 am - Reply

      Yes, Jayne, you’re absolutely right. It’s normal to have ebbs and flows… It’s when it goes on for a long time that can cause tension and frustration.

  2. Jason Maxfield June 5, 2018 at 5:27 am - Reply

    This article assumes you are already in a relationship. What about the rest of us that aren’t? This isn’t even a topic on other sites. It’s hard to find information about this, it must be so rare. That makes me feel even worse for not having any relationship in the past 9 years.

    The worst part is, I’m a nice guy. And I see assholes always dating women. Those same women have been friends of mine when they get their hearts broken, and turn to me for guidance. At this point, I say, well maybe you should stop dating assholes when I tell you who and what they are and find a nice guy to date!

    Are women just this retarded? Always saying they want the nice guy and go for the bad boys and wonder why things don’t work out for them? It’s really stupid.

    • Isiah McKimmie June 8, 2018 at 5:32 am - Reply

      Hi Jason,
      I appreciate that not everyone is in a relationship and I do at times write articles for single people, in this case however, I’m writing an article for couples.
      Something to think about is that you’re just asked ‘Are women just this retarded?’ Perhaps that attitude is part of what’s keeping you single.
      Relationships and our patterns with them are complex. I suggest exploring your challenges with a therapist.

    • Jellybean August 4, 2018 at 6:40 pm - Reply

      The article not only assumes it’s for couples, it blatantly states it’s for couples that haven’t done it in awhile. So, yes, it is for couples, to help them spark their intimacy. This is actually not rare because it does happen, it just isn’t talked about that often and people are ashamed to even mention that it does happen.

      Also, it’s not an article to make single people feel bad about themselves. I don’t know how you feel that way, because If a couple hasn’t had sex in awhile feel like they’re in a hapless relationship, like they aren’t valued. This is just a good article to help COUPLES to repair their relationship.

      If you are a nice guy, don’t call women retarded when they aren’t interested in you. And if you did like someone, tell her.

      • Isiah McKimmie September 15, 2018 at 9:45 am - Reply

        Well said Jellybean.
        It certainly wasn’t an article to make singles feel bad about themselves – it just wasn’t written for people looking for a relationship. I hope you received value from it.
        Warmly,
        Isiah.

  3. Jason Tan August 13, 2018 at 7:38 am - Reply

    I feel like my wife doesn’t like the intimacy with me anymore, even holding hands. We haven’t had sex for months. She will tend to reject and find excuse to do other stuff. I don’t think she doesn’t love me. Just not as much and the priority is not on me. What should I do to improve our sex life?

    • Isiah McKimmie September 15, 2018 at 9:50 am - Reply

      Hi Jason,
      I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. The first thing to do is talk to your wife and calmly tell her how you feel. This is something that you have to work through together. Hopefully when she understands how much this is hurting you, she’ll be willing to talk about what might be going on for her and take steps with you to change it. Therapy can help you work on this together.
      Warmly,
      Isiah.

  4. Joanna August 24, 2018 at 10:26 pm - Reply

    This is exactly what is going on in my life we had a baby and now sex is not happening whatsoever but even before then I started to decline 🙁 right now I just feel so sad and unwanted 💔

    • Isiah McKimmie September 15, 2018 at 9:48 am - Reply

      I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this Joanna. Many couples notice a big change after children, but often a slow decline prior to kids too. It’s really challenging, but I’ve helped many couples go on to have loving thriving sex lives again. Take one step at a time to rekindle your connection and remember that reaching out for support can make a big difference in getting things back on track.

  5. Janie Thompson September 25, 2018 at 11:27 pm - Reply

    This happened to us.
    We have a 12 year old boy who we adore but he loves being close to us. His room is within ours, his former nursey. Talk about a “co@l block”.
    I love him so,
    But when he feels frisky I often shy away feeling embarrassed. AND I DONY KNOW WHY!?! He is such an affectionate man, but doesnt push sex.
    We just feel we have turned into that old married couple.
    He just turned 49, am 46. know it’s important. So I mentioned it today.
    He was like “bring it on”. Using a smiley emoji.
    I feel to blame because I had issues in the past years with a declining labido.
    He has made subtle attemps but I have turned away. I had a man friend tell me “if he isnt getting it from you,
    He is getting it somewhere else”. Maybe that is true in some men but I know in my heart he adores me and our vows. He wouldn’t do that. I just know him.
    And we both have packed on weight. Neither of us feels sexy anymore.
    Thanks for tnis article and yhe advice. We do spend qt together and I show him love in other ways like having home colked meals ready and a clean turned back bed. He works hard for our family. I just can’t do the sexy thing anymore,
    It is almost like I feel that sexy 40 something girl is gone. And Im guilty and ashamed.

  6. Heather September 30, 2018 at 12:41 pm - Reply

    We haven’t had sex in a month and have been to sex therapy NUMEROUS times. My husband was a virgin and I wasn’t. We’ve been married for 5 years now. Well, we tried to have sex this morning and he lost his erection AGAIN. (We started with oral and that’s when he lost it). I cannot keep going on like this. Any suggestions? This cycle happens over and over and over. There are no underlying medical problems.

  7. Jay October 6, 2018 at 7:30 pm - Reply

    My live in bf of 8 years and I haven’t had sex in almost 3 months. We adore each other, always show affection and appreciation for one another but just can’t seem to get there. We both work a lot and are often stressed. He travels a lot for work so isn’t home all the time either. This doesn’t help & makes me feel insecure. I feel like if we aren’t having sex he may look elsewhere while traveling. He just never really makes the effort and it doesn’t seem to be a priority for him. I don’t feel desired sexually by him. I’ve brought it up numerous times & we’ve talked about it & said we would try. Unfortunately now I’m at the point where I become upset if the opportunity is there but I have to initiate it because he doesn’t see the opportunity. I can easily initiate it but I want him to initiate it to show me that he actually wants it.

  8. Cynthia October 15, 2018 at 8:53 pm - Reply

    We haven’t had so much as a passionate kiss in 1.5 years, soon to be 2. He says he’s hurting from our past and current issues and doesn’t feel good enough emotionally, and doesn’t have any confidence. I have been trying to make him feel better, and then he cheats on me (cheating to ME), by sneaking around with an ex and deleting messages, lying to me about it for months – and the worst part is I would still be fed lies to this day had I not found the evidence myself. Believe me I gave him plenty of chances to tell me the truth on his own, and then when I had surgery in the spring this year and needed his help more than usual I sense his deceit, so I asked once more bluntly “Is anything going on? Anything you need to tell me?” – “No” he said, no eye contact, reclusive. I knew. AND I WAS RIGHT.
    So, here we are, I’m recovering from his deceit and not even sure if I want to be with him anymore, especially so because we aren’t intimate at all, and I have often told him how much this pains me, he says he’s trying. I don’t want to hear “I’m trying” for the rest of my life and die any less happy than I want to. I want to have an honest relationship with free communication, no bullshit, and care/love for each other with passionate intimacy too. I’m not asking for a billion dollars or a six pack, or dinner made for me every night – just those few things…

  9. James December 8, 2018 at 4:33 pm - Reply

    I also haven’t had sex for about 8 months, which is nothing new. We have been married for 29 years. Some of those years were about the same. Every 3 months or so.I basically stopped trying to initiate sex and turned to pornography. It seems there always some excuse to not have sex. I clean house ,cook, give back rubs, the whole nine yards. On her 40th birthday we exchanged vows in front of family and friends. I wrote and preformed a song for her. Latter that night, nothing. So , right at the moment I’m contemplating what to do. I just cant continue. When I try to talk about it all she says is “I’m just tired”. She was diagnosed with depression but the meds are 400 a month, just can’t swing that much money. It does help to write this down . Still at a crossroads, don’t know where to turn for help.

  10. Scott December 17, 2018 at 4:27 am - Reply

    My gf and I haven’t had real sex in years. I feel like I’ve forced her every time during the past 2 years and that has only been about 5 times per year. She says it’s because of meds that she doesn’t have any physical desire anymore. I’ve never felt so alone and unwanted. I told her this and she just says it’s not her fault and willing to leave it at that. Not sure how much longer I can stay with her. I just need her to at least miss it too.

  11. Lewis January 7, 2019 at 1:29 am - Reply

    I am in a similar situation as James. Married 32 years, and had sex twice last year. We have discussed the underlying issues many times. My wife was sexually abused as a child, and has off and on throughout our time together, had periods where she didn’t desire sexual contact. I have tried my best to honor her, and be supportive during these times, and throughout our marriage, in the fact that at most, we would be intimate once a month. I have encouraged counseling for us over the years, but she adamantly refuses. Over the past two years, these periods have become the norm with fewer and fewer occasions for intimacy. I tried my best to share my feelings without anger or blame, and if she would become upset, I’d let things settle down for a while before bringing it up again. This backing off has produced a pattern that has helped create the situation that we are currently in, long stretches of no sex, broken up by refusal, after refusal, discussion, upset, back off, and no change.
    Well folks, I’m done! I don’t blame my wife as much as I blame myself for not insisting we get counseling long ago. I’m not sure at this point if I even want to fight for our marriage, especially if I have to fight for it alone. I’m spiritually, and emotionally exhausted.

  12. Trevor January 13, 2019 at 10:59 am - Reply

    It’s so hard ….im going to cry… it hurts so much

  13. Anonymous February 17, 2019 at 4:24 pm - Reply

    After myself and my fiancé our second child we haven’t had much sex at all, maybe 3-4 times in 3 years. I found when we finally did have sex I came a lot quicker than I use too. I use to have a healthy lasting sex life with all my partner and never had a problem, without having a few drinks. Now, even if I self pleasure I come so quicker and even faster during our last sex encounter I have with my fiancé. I am starting to get worried because this has never been a problem. Of course I am extremely horny (best way to put it) and want her bad but I was always able to play my part in the room but now it’s so fast. My self pleasures don’t even carry on like they use too. Last year I had a very stressful year at work, could that be a problem of the fact that we hardly or never have sex anymore?

  14. Katie March 3, 2019 at 8:58 am - Reply

    I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I have been dealing with intimacy issues for about the past 3 years. The beginning was wonderful. He moved in my apartment and things were going really good. Things started to go downhill once we got a new place in the town he grew up. I would go months without and every night I would fight with myself in my mind to get enough courage to ask if we could mess around but most of the time I would fall asleep doing this because I was afraid of rejection but only because the times I finally did build up the courage to ask he would shut me down and it would crush my soul. I never could have dreamt that at the age of 25 I would have these problems but it started when I was 22! He is 5 years older than me but still that shouldn’t make that much of a difference right? We did end up splitting up for 9 months because he ran into an old “friend” that I later found out was much more than that in the past and long story short, she befriended me to get closer to him eventhough she had told me time and time again she “would never go there” because her and I were friends and she ” just can’t look at him more than just friends” and things like that. She would come over to hang out with “us” but they were the only ones enjoying themselves. I tried to be her friend for his sake just so it could all backfire in my face in the end. Needless to say after her wearing out her welcome and smothering my relationship eventhough she could clearly see it was falling apart because she was coming around and we obviously had things we needed to work on she still came over. Every. Single. Day! This went on for about 3 months and he started leaving sneaking around and leaving me home while he went out and had fun “as friends” with her. I should have left I know but my heart wouldn’t let me. One morning he told me he had to take the girl’s brother to get a new car and he said he would be back later in the day. I did some digging and found out almost immediately that he was lying and had actually went to a concert with HER. What hurt me most is they went to see the same band that he took me to for my very first concert. He did not come home that same day. He came home the next morning and when he did he told me he couldn’t keep faking this and he broke up with me. He didn’t sleep with this girl or anything until after he actually broke up with me but that doesn’t make what he did okay what so ever. Maybe a month after he told me that they decided (him and this girl) that they made each other happy and they wanted to try to be together eventhough when she was coming around when my relationship was going down the shitter when I would ask if they had feelings for each other they would both get offended almost. Anyway, this new “relationship” only lasted 3 days 😂😅 so basically he threw away a 2 year (at the time) relationship with me over a 3 day weekend! What happened was the girl liked having a compilation to see If she could make him want her and once he did and she seen that i wasn’t going to fight for him, it wasn’t fun for her anymore and she stopped coming around all together! She made my life out to be some kind of game! We stayed split up for 9 months and in that time I had got into a small “fling” with my roommate. Nothing serious and I told him I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. Well 4 months later I find out I’m pregnant… I’ll shorten the details on that and just say I tried to make it work with the roommate for the baby but he was lazy and worthless and didn’t want to stop smoking pot long enough to get a job so I broke it off. My boyfriend and I stayed friends even after everything he put me through and I broke the news to him and he offered to have me move back in so he can help me with my pregnancy. I was 8 weeks at the time. I ended up moving back in and we were just friends for a while but shared a room and bed. We ended up sleeping together but we didn’t discuss our relationship status. After he went with me to my ultrasound he told me he wanted to be the father of my child. (Her biological father stopped contacting me all together when I was 16 wks pregnant) we had sex on occasion (he works away for weeks at a time) and before he would leave he would kiss me and my belly and tell me he loved me and things like that so I wasn’t exactly sure where our relationship standed and I was confused but I was happy and didn’t want to ruin it by asking questions so I just lived in the moment basically. skipping ahead, I had the baby and finally after 6+ months I finally gathered enough courage to ask what exactly our “relationship” was and he reassured me that we are a couple. I was really happy to know but it was difficult to know because since I had the baby we hadn’t kissed or anything. It seemed that our sexual relationship was better when I was pregnant to be honest. My baby will be 13 months old in a few days and we haven’t had sex since I was about 6-7 months pregnant and we haven’t even so much as kissed since the ball dropped on new years. Now our lives have been crazy stressful lately and we share our room with the baby so I’m not sure if that’s the reason we haven’t had sex but I understand if that is. If so we can work on that but the thing is as you can probably tell, it has been difficult to talk to him about things like intimacy and where we stand as a relationship but he has always been the sort of shy type when it comes to talking about sex and I was scared to ask about our relationship because I was afraid he would tell me something I didn’t want to hear. I know communication is key in a relationship and I used to be able to talk to him about things relationship wise bit not so much with the sex because he has always shyed away when I would try to bring it up. I love him very much and now it’s so much more than just a boyfriend. He is my little girl’s daddy. It’s not si easy to just cut things off and move on to the next one. I really want to make this work and I have never felt the way I do with him with any other man. I miss the sex, the intimacy, and the closeness. I want that again. I won’t lie, since he did everything to me with that girl my feelings have changed towards him and it made my love for him not as strong but I also feel like intimacy plays a big role in that as well. I feel like if we had more intimacy maybe my feelings would grow stronger for him how I used to feel. I miss being sad that he had to leave and excited to see him when he got home. I miss cuddling up to him at night and getting kisses goodbye when he went to the store. I miss the warm exciting feeling and butterflies I would get when I thought about him even when I got to see him every day. I miss what we had.I miss it. I miss it all and I want that back so much. I know that the last comment on this was all the way back in December but I’m really hoping that I can still get a reply of some advice. I’m desperate for some help because it would destroy me if things didn’t work out between us again. We’re a family now and I want our daughter to grow up with her daddy but I also want her to grow up seeing her mommy and daddy in a healthy loving relationship. Growing up I always thought it was so weird to hear about my friend’s parents being together but they don’t kiss or they sleep in separate bedrooms. I don’t want to raise my daughter up to think that’s how a “normal” relationship is supposed to be.

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